Richard John reveals what might be going on in the minds of some conference speakers…
Thank you chair, whose name I’ve already forgotten. I’ll start by failing to give any clear objectives about my speech, or benefits to you in listening. Then I’ll throw some unstructured thoughts around and not link my contributions with my fellow speakers because I regard myself as too important to turn up on time and listen to what they have to say.
I’m also not going to give you something you couldn’t get from reading this online, and I’ll do that by hiding behind this podium, rustling my notes in this irritating fashion and ensuring a lack of any sense of energy through movement.
Already my presentation doesn’t match with what I’m saying. Five minutes in, I’m still showing you a slide with my name on. I’ll fill the space as I frantically click the mouse with a collection of “umms” and “errs,” which you will find set your teeth on edge.
Now this slide, at last, shows the key points of my speech. But I’ve given out hard copies, and you have calculated by the number of pages that there’s no way I’m going to finish in my allotted 20 minutes.
My next slide is 12 dull statements about my company, which interest no one. So, I will read them to you very slowly.
This slide is unintelligible, because I didn’t think to change the font size. But rest assured that when I created it, everyone in the office thought it was brilliant. I’ll follow it with this slide containing a logo of another company. I didn’t like you enough to prepare a bespoke presentation, believing instead that a cut-and-paste job from three others would do.
And because I can’t be asked to do anything different, I used exactly the same standard template with these next seven slides. Notice the excess text, in a variety of fonts and sizes, with two typos. Next, I thought some crap clip art with a stick man would somehow make some arcane point. It didn’t though, did it?
I haven’t time to explain the next three slides; although I was given a clearly defined speaking slot, I didn’t rehearse. But I have to go through each of them, because I forgot how to skip them.
There you have it. Or rather you don’t, because you lost the will to live some time ago. Your muted applause makes me think I’ve done well, rather than recognizing a spontaneous celebration that I’ve finished. Worry not. I’m off now, and the next two speakers are even worse than me. Thanks for not listening. Ever.
Of course, if any of that sounds familiar, who would you blame? If your answer is anything other than the event organizer, think again. Make sure speaker training is an integral part of your next event. Because when they mess up, you carry the can!
RICHARD JOHN is managing director of U.K.-based RJA GB Ltd, training and consultancy specialists for the meeting and event sector, and is a regular speaker at industry events worldwide. Contact him at [email protected].
Si vous planifiez un événement en Espagne ou au Maroc, prenez contact avec nous ou directement avec les 750 prestataires de qualité sur notre portail pour des devis gratuits, sans obligations et sans commissions.
Avec plus d'un million de pages vues et 1,000 demandes de devis par mois, Event Planner Spain est actuellement le portail le
plus visité pour l’organisation événementielle en Espagne, disponible en huit langues et avec des visites de plus de 160 pays.
Si vous offrez des services pour événements en Espagne ou au Maroc, inscrivez-vous pour un essai gratuit d’une année.
Si vous souhaitez annoncer sur notre portail, contactez-nous pour une proposition intéressante.
4x4, Tours GPS, buggy, quads
Richard John reveals what might be going on in the minds of some conference speakers… 
